The Trippiest Physics Model Yet v0.63223 by Some Dodgy Bloke Called Jaron

Yes folks, after a few too many ham and houmous sandwiches, I giggled, chortled, and downright guffawed my way to producing this travesty.

It is my attempt to corrupt and make utterly bonkers the game of Marathon through the liberal application of too much of Michael Hanson's well 'ard utility with a disappointingly unfunky name, the Marathon Physics Model Editor. A better name in my opinion would be Clarence, but I feel my taste would be against the public feeling. But I'll let you judge my taste for yourselves...here comes the breakdown of the monstrous alterations visited upon fair Physics Model! Woo!

First the worst BUT NOT IN THIS CASE OH DEAR ME NO...A Well 'Ard Barrel Wiv Which To Bash People Wiv! Speaks for itself, really. Not that interesting, except when you're running around. In fact, most of these doodahs wobble wondrously when you're running around.

Um, let's see now...The Double-Fisted Bug Gun! Yes folks, grasping a wasp in each hand you can now utilise them to fire high-explosive hounds at high speed across the room in a blast of mucus! WATCH your opponents drip slime and fluids as you SPLATTER them with hound JUICE.

OK, whats next...The Well Bonkers Pyschadelic Slow Moving Thingi Firing Gun, With Relatively Non-Trippy Defense Drone Launcher! Do I really need to explain this? Basically, SHOOTS rounds of FAIRLY tightly packed FLOATING grenades that FRY your target. CARESS that second TRIGGER and WHOOSH! A primed and extremely NON-guided Defense Drone will leap from your gun and make its way leisurely ACROSS the room, until it HITS something and amusingly explodes. Tee Hee. PS. Did I MENTION the grenades are REALLY grenades, not THESE nasty explosive things? Also they are really nice colours! You MAY find  yourselve firing a clip or two at a wall just to get that cool effect...

Next up...It's the Appallingly Inhumane, Yet Hilariously Funny Bob Gun! Allows you to paint the wall blue, red and purple as you spray high-velocity Bobs across the room in a well-covering arc that will leave your target wondering QUITE what hit him. Or it. LOVINGLY stroke your second trigger, and GASP as a Bob majestically soars towards your damp-undergarmented opponent on a pillar of flame, and equally majestically explodes on contact!

Number Phfor...The Hugely Terrifying Hulk Chucker! Yes, a single PULL of the trigger will unleash the fury of 10 (TEN) OR MORE RED (!) hulks that will spontaneously SPRING into existence, thwap your opponent into next week, AND mysteriously vanish WHERE they came from. The SECOND triggER proBabLY dOES something really funny too, but I can't remember. I got confused at this point...

Your favourite and mine...The Pro-Choice Person Flinger! Yes folks, due TO popular demand (two posts on alt.games.marathon) I added A second choice to the modified SPNKR...Now FIRE either a SCREAMING Bob or a SHRIEKING Hunter ACROSS the ROOM and into the FAR wall. Ker-Chump!

And, last but NOT least...The So-Laid-Back-You'd-Think-It-Was-Comatose Orange Blobby Thing Thrower! Sit in the corner of Mars Needs Women and blow orange bubbles with flashing bits on the ends, giggling. I do!

Phew! That's it for the weapons...BUT!

Look out for:

- Slow Moving But Really Well 'Ard Bobs Disguised As Mutant Pfhor

- Squelching, Splatting, Dying-With-Every-Step Bobs Disguised As Pyschadelic Enforcers That Fire Rockets When They Stop Giggling

- Floating, Glimmering Yet Otherwise The Same Old Purple Pfhor

- Loads Of Other Trippy People Wandering Around Firing Guided Defense Drones That Give You Health On Impact

- Some Very Weird Things That Scare Me Slightly

- And the Flasher! Blink, And You'll Miss Him!

Well, I think I've burbled enough here...back to giggling and drooling into my keyboard!

If you like this Model, or can recommend any medication for me, then please SEND ME A WHOLE EDAM.

Failing that, drop me a note at jaz@ghani.demon.co.uk and tell me how cool/sick/handsome/orange I am.

WOO!

PS: Play this on Mars Needs Women on Total Carnage, or in fact any map with loads of ammo. In fact, use the cheater to give yourselve loads and sit giggling at the screen, like I do.